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Dating Rules
The do's and dont's of the world of relationships and dating
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No one ever said dating was easy. First dates are awkward, second dates are expectant and the dates that follow that -- during which two people really start getting down to the business of getting to know each other -- present hundreds, if not thousands, of opportunities for missteps, faux pas, blunders and mistakes. That is to say nothing of the myriad chances for problems to which you could fall prey while arranging, planning and preparing for dates.
We call too often or not enough, we're too available or never around, we wear sandals to fancy restaurants, laugh hysterically at bad jokes, show up with blue carnations, gab on our cell phones during dinner and commit countless other dating crimes, mostly without realizing we’re doing it. No doubt about it -- bad dating behavior is a rampant affliction, and it's time to cure it with some common sense advice.
If dating is a game, then just like any other game, there are rules you need to study, learn and follow. After all, you wouldn't take the field without knowing where the base lines are, would you? (For those of you who are immune to ball field metaphors, the answer is "no.") While none of these do's and don'ts are set in stone -- and, as your mother told you, there are obviously exceptions to every rule -- here we attempt to equip you with an idiot-proof playbook for the fast-paced, intense, exciting, full-contact sport of searching for someone with whom to fall in love.
Dating Rules -- Do's
1. Do try to always look your best and be punctual. Showing up late or looking messy gives the impression that you don't care -- and, if that's the case, why go out with this person in the first place?
2. Do try to enjoy yourself on dates. Yes, finding your soul mate is serious business, and it can sometimes even be a scary endeavor, but keep in mind that this is supposed to be fun.
3. Do compliment your date on how he or she looks. Men and women tend to put a lot of effort into getting ready for a date, and it's nice (and flattering) to hear that all that energy paid off.
4. Do be interested and interesting. Ask questions, share insights and pay attention when your date is telling you what they like to do, read, watch, listen to, etc.
5. Do tell someone directly if you're not interested in seeing them again. Lying and stringing people along simply because you're too scared to tell them the truth is selfish and hurtful. If you don't want to go on another date with someone, let them down as gently -- but firmly -- as possible.
6. Do date only people you're attracted to, no matter what your friends say. Approval by your peers doesn't prove a thing.
7. Do stay positive, even when dates don't end well. It is most certainly true that you will date a few frogs before you find a prince. Along the way, you will probably meet some pretty nice people.
8. Do plan ahead. Dating is a creative diversion that requires concentration and energy, so make arrangements ahead of time and let your date know you put some thought into the evening.
9. Do be proactive about finding people to date. The man or woman you've been searching for your whole life is probably not going to come ring your doorbell and beg you to go to dinner anytime soon. Dating requires action, so get out there and meet as many people as you can.
10. Do surround yourself with positive, like-minded people who are dating, too. Part of the fun of dating is celebrating, comparing notes and commiserating with your friends. Surround yourself with positive people who are rooting for you to succeed at love and will be there for you if/when you need emotional support.
Dating Rules -- Don'ts
1. Don't call, text message or email someone you've just started seeing more than once a day unless they reply (or in the event of an emergency). Desperation and instability are major turnoffs.
2. Don't date the kind of people who've hurt you in the past. Many of us are attracted to people who are bad for us, but it's important to break these patterns and seek out healthy relationships with matches who won't demean you or make you feel bad about yourself in any way.
3. Don't be late for a date. It's just rude. If you have to change your plans, give the other person as much notice and consideration as possible. And always apologize.
4. Don't lie to your date or about any aspect of your life, even if the truth isn't as sexy or you're worried they won't like it. It would be awful to ruin a potentially life-changing relationship with your perfect match because of some silly lie you told early on to impress him or her.
5. Don't be too available. We don't mean you should play games, but if you're free every night, you're probably not taking care of yourself, pursuing your own interests and spending time with your friends -- which means you're probably not very interesting to talk to. People with full, exciting lives make the best dates.
6. Don't give away too much about yourself at the beginning. Revealing your innermost secrets on the second date can lead to rejection. Don't be scared to open up, but remember that getting to know someone takes time, and you should let your relationship evolve.
7. Don't check out other people when you're on a date. Ever. This is just tacky. You may think you are subtle, but while you're scoping the cutie in the corner, your date will be heading for the door. Extend your partner the courtesy of concentrating solely on them while you're with them.
8. Don't be rude or get drunk on a date. Courtesy and manners will get you everywhere.
9. Don't ignore your personal safety. Carry your cell phone and keep it charged -- and make sure to tell your friends where you're going and when you'll be back. First dates should take place in well-lit public places. Don't ever let yourself be coerced into going anywhere or doing anything that makes you uncomfortable.
10. Don't give out personal information like your home phone number or address on the first date. Keep these details to yourself until you trust the person you're dating.
11. Don't have sex on a first date. If you like someone and are interested in getting to know them better (and possibly having a relationship), sex on a first date will likely ruin everything. It's much too soon, it's not romantic and it communicates to the other person that you're more interested in their physical characteristics than in finding out who they are.
12. Never date a married person. Statistically, it is very unlikely that they will ever leave their husband or wife for you. Dating someone who's married is the best way to serve yourself a heaping helping of misery, lies, deceit, sadness and heartache. If you are married, separate before dating. If you're single, don't be a shoulder to cry on -- you deserve better. Go out and find someone who's emotionally (and legally) available to you!
Tips for Safe and Successful Online Relationships
How to make your Internet-based relationship work in the real world
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At Top Dating Tips, we are here to help you be successful in dating and meeting new friends. It's what we do best. We want to take this opportunity to provide you with some hints and tips on helping you date safely, and successfully find that special person. You may wish to make and meet a new friend. Your main interest may be in dating online or dating in person, you may wish to find love and romance, perhaps the person you dream of marrying. It could be that you wish to travel or play sport or an activity and need a companion or other activity partner to come along.
The key to meeting new friends is to have fun, relax and enjoy. Find a dating site environment in which you can do these things safely and without any pressure. If you decide to meet someone there or in the outside world, then we feel there are some basic ideas you should follow for your personal comfort.
Okay, so what can you do to help yourself?
First you need to get replies to your emails and messages. Here are some tips you may find helpful:
- Think about how your profile is written. Ensure there are NO spelling mistakes in your profile or your emails and messages.
- Keep your description short but be completely honest. If you are not being truthful then when you meet, you will be discovered, if not before.
- Add fun and humor to your profile, and don't be too serious at first.
- Don't be afraid to state who you wish to meet and why. Most adults know the kind of person they are attracted to, even if they are not sure why.
- Tell people what you like and perhaps things you don't. Don't be offensive though.
- Change and edit your profile occasionally to keep it fresh, and try to be original.
- Add a photo to your profile. We find that a member with a photo can get anything up to 9 times the amount of replies, in comparison with those that do not include one.
- Be polite with messaging, and don’t make judgments about the length of time to get a reply.
- Please don’t feel you need to block someone just because they are too busy to chat this time. Be cool.
- Keep your first email short and to the point, perhaps humorous and interesting. Don't include too much detail at this point, and just a few things that you have in common. Make the email talkative and allow it to flow. Don't be too serious at this stage or too emotional.
- Do NOT include you personal details in an introduction email. Leave that until a relationship is established, and you feel very comfortable with the other person.
- Try and contact a few people at the same time, but always those who you have matched, not those who you have nothing in common with as they will not welcome your contact.
- Be honest and stick to the truth. It is all too easy to add things that at this stage are not checkable. However, you may get caught out later and ruin a fantastic friendship or romance.
- Always reply quite quickly to any messages.
- Don't talk about money or possessions at this time. Most people like or love someone for who they are, not what they have. We assume you do not want to find someone who simply wants you for what you can provide.
- Do not apply any form of pressure in an email, whether it be for a reply or a meeting. Do not be critical of their profile or photo. This will create a negative response.
Once you have mailed other members and are receiving their emails, then you may wish to consider the following:
Ensure Your Privacy is Protected
The information you supply when you register at dating sites is completely confidential. Your registration details are kept secret from all members and under no circumstances are made available to any third party. No member of staff should ever ask you for your password. They must NOT use your contact or email details for marketing purposes. Any member who matches you in their searches can only see what you have told them in terms of your personal profile, nothing more. Therefore, remember not to include you actual email address or telephone number in the text of your profile or in emails unless you are sure that you would like to take your friendship further. Dating sites generally cannot access your emails and do not have any control on what information you supply to another member. If someone you are in contact with is not giving much away then perhaps you should err on the side of caution.
Listen to Your Intuition
Don't overlook any gut feelings that come your way. Intuition is the thing we all use on a daily basis and we all trust our intuition often. It’s easy to get carried away when someone appears to be interested. Remember the rule, if you suspect something, you are probably correct. Trust your judgment. Listen to what you are being told. Ask many questions. Don't give too many details away if the other person tells you very little. If someone is being honest, they will be happy to tell you about themselves and their lives.
A key point is to make sure that you are enjoying your online dating. Never ever let someone pressure you. If you don't want to explain something or provide certain details then do not. A real friend will behave in a patient and relaxed way. After receiving an email, sit back and think about what you are being told, take your time and try and sense the person behind the email. And read their profile thoroughly.
When the Time Comes
At some point you may wish to meet in person the friend you have made. Remember the rule, you only have to meet someone if you really want to. If you feel uncomfortable about meeting, then don't agree to meet. Even if you have agreed, you can change your mind whenever you like. Perhaps you need to chat for longer, perhaps it would be better to use the phone first. Do not give out your home number, address, or personal details unless you are sure about the person you wish to meet.
If you do decide it's time to take your friendship a step further, then here are some things to think about. It may save you a great deal of time and effort:
Ask yourself these questions:
Do you feel you know the person well?
Have they answered all your questions?
Are they patient, good humored and fun?
Do you trust them?
Have they applied any pressure on you?
Do you know what they do for a living, and the area they live in?
Do you know about their background and family?
Have you seen their photo and have you more than one photo of them in different situations?
Have you spoken on the phone?
Are you sure they have described themselves truthfully?
If you can answer YES to these happily then maybe it is time to meet. Only you can decide that. Think about these general dating rules, and act upon them if you think they are a good idea :-
- Tell a person close to you about the meeting. Tell them where you are going, when you are meeting them, where the meeting will take place, what time you will be returning. Give a person close to you as much information as you can. If you have a mobile phone or are close to a pay phone then perhaps call to say you are fine and that everything is great.
- Agree to meet in a public place first. Perhaps a restaurant or bar or somewhere where there are plenty of other people. Agree to meet somewhere that you know, in familiar surroundings where you can relax and enjoy the meeting. You could arrange to have other friends in the same place but at a distance, so you feel more relaxed.
- Do not agree to be collected from work or home, and make your own way there and home on the first occasion. Perhaps get a friend to take you there and collect you afterwards.
- Restrict the time of the first meeting. Perhaps a lunch hour or a short time after work. This is useful if you decide that the situation is not favorable and you need to leave.
- If at any point you wish to leave then do so. Do not feel obliged to stay and find yourself feeling awkward. If you do not feel relaxed then you will not enjoy the date. You owe it to yourself to feel happy and relaxed, and it is possible that it may take a few meetings with different people before you find that special person.
Long Distance Relationships
Online Dating through most sites means that you can easily meet people from all over the world. This is a fantastic way of dating and perhaps very soon you may find yourself emotionally involved with someone who lives a long way away. Perhaps that may be part of the attraction even. However you should try and be practical. If the person lives overseas then ask yourself the question as to are you serious that you will travel a long way to see that person? If you do travel and find yourself more than happy, then how easy will it be to keep up the relationship? If you are content with this situation, and you decide to meet then there are some other things you may wish to consider:
- ALWAYS stay in a hotel you have arranged yourself, and never stay at their accommodation, however generous. This will allow you both to feel less pressure, to relax into the situation and find some common ground. You may have both made promises in mail or on the phone that may be harder to keep once a meeting has occurred. If possible, arrange the hotel in a secure area of the city you are visiting, and arrange the hotel yourself. It's always easier to escape a date that's not going well, when not staying with them.
- Provide the details of your hotel and travel arrangements to a best friend at home, and make an arrangement to contact them when you arrive, after you have met your new friend and when you are returning. Take a mobile phone if possible and keep in contact.
- Always be cautious if in any doubt, and never be uncomfortable about changing your mind and returning home at any time should the situation cause you any concern.
The Bottom Line
The bottom line? Be yourself and enjoy your dating. We know that online dating can be great fun, safe and immensely enjoyable. We have found that as long as the basic precautions are followed, then it is possible to travel locally, or indeed, anywhere in the world to meet a special partner or make new friends. The beauty of dating online is that the whole world is open to allow you to meet fantastic new people. Just use a little intuition and common sense. We hope you don't mind us offering some basic tips and wish you every success.
